High Drama

While taking my son to a therapist.  

His therapist turned her attention towards our family background asking questions.  It was not so much the questions she was asking but the manner in which she was asking.  I trusted her.

So I gave her a few brief insight in to my current situation.  She made me feel secure, safe.

So I accepted for her to guide the process of not only our son but also myself.

I was booked in to see a psychiatrist.  

That experience did not go down so well at all.  

1. He was a male.
2. He hit to hard too fast.

My 1st and only visit to him he drove straight into abuse "Have you been molested as a child" and I was not having any of it I lied to him.  I walked out and got drunk.

The psychiatrist also sent a referral to the Alcohol and Drug unit.

Once again I experienced the "Hit to hard too fast".  My very first visit to the councilor She kept repeating that I  needed to go to rehab.  I walked out and got drunk.

When I drank all my emotions will would come out in anger.  

I didn't know how to have a healthy relationship with my husband.  I was rejecting him and held my secrets to myself.

Then one night while drinking, I again no longer wanted to be in this world.  I felt NO ONE knew my pain.  I trusted no one.  
My behavior was getting way out of control, the lies I created to get my next fix.  I was siphoning money out of our business.  

Not to pay bills but pay for my alcohol.  But also take on another addiction gambling.

I got us in the shit by almost losing our house as I was not paying any bills.  I was heading in a one way direction and that was down and taking my family with me.

My husband asked me one question that turned my life around.

"If I were to die would I have any regrets"

I knew the guilt would be so overwhelming as I knew he deserved more than what I had given him.

He dropped the biggest bomb shell on me.   I decided that I didn't want to lose him he was my ROCK.

I then surrendered to outside help and got referrals back to mental health and addictions.

I put all my faith back into the system the same system I walked away from.

BOY did I have one kick ass psychiatrist who did not put up with any of my shit of manipulation.  She was a real tough nut,  today I am so greatful to her and I still see her today but not as a patient/tangtawhaiora but as a person.  

I was also so blessed to have a different Alcohol and Drug councilor.

It was difficult at first as I used to still go get drunk after my session.  

Once I was on the right medication things did get a little easier but I just couldn't  stop the drinking.  So I opted for a medication called Antibuse and I drank only did that once.  That was not a great experience at all.  I was as sick as a dog.

I was ready to accept that I needed to go into rehabilitation,  my councilor suggested  that I go do a program called taha maori in Hamner Springs Queen Mary's hospital.

It took me awhile to agree as I saw it as a Maori program which in my mind took me back to the Marae.

So come 2002 I decided to into the program and it was the BEST decision that I made.

Before I conclude, let me share what helps me ground myself.

Check out my shopify store to see how I've managed to NOW grow a business after almost losing everything.

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